Pee-ping Tom

We went to the Ellensburg Rodeo this weekend and learned that our little cowboy may need some lessons in bathroom etiquette. During the rodeo intermission, Evan was happily perched atop my dad’s shoulders. The horn blared, signaling the end of intermission, and I began to walk back in while my dad hung a sharp right towards the bathrooms – with Evan still on his shoulders.

I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want any visuals and I certainly didn’t want to hear about the logistics of what he was planning. So, hard as it might be, I walked away and returned to my seat. Unfortunately, it’s nearly impossible to not inadvertently create some sort of visual when you see your father disappear into a men’s room with your 15-month-old atop his shoulders. Was he going to put Evan down while he did his business? Would Evan be running around eating urinal cakes, splashing in the toilets, and picking up pubes off the floor?

As it turns out, my dad didn’t put Evan down. And here’s where the etiquette comes in.
I know in a women’s restroom basic privacy protocol is pretty straightforward: don’t peer through the crack between the stall doors and don’t let your kid crawl under the stalls to peek at other people. It’s pretty simple.

For guys, I’m guessing it’s even more straightforward. Seeing as how men pee shoulder to shoulder with strange men, I’m going to go ahead and assume the number one unbreakable rule of don’t-get-your-ass-kicked-restroom-etiquette is eyes forward at all times.

As far as stall protocol goes, I figure it’s safe to assume it’s the same as the women’s – don’t peek through the cracks and don’t let your kid crawl under the stalls. But above all, eyes forward. Although here’s a new one:

When the urinals are full, and you choose to use a stall, when you have a child perched atop your shoulders, make sure he knows the eyes forward rule. My dad had a heck of a time keeping Evan on his shoulders with Evan busily leaning this way and that, peering over the stall walls to watch the guys next door.

I hold this event to blame for Evan’s current refusal to sleep and any subsequent nightmares he may or may not have, as well as any future therapy bills involving Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.