Evan's Got the Clap

I’m not sure what I expected from Evan. I obviously knew babies are people, but I don’t think it registered that they’re individuals. Just like I knew Evan would have needs; but preferences? I’m not sure I realized that. I just expected him to be… a baby. I wasn’t prepared for the personality quirks at this age. I thought those kinds of things developed much later than 7 months, but he continues to surprise me every day.

Last night, for instance, there was no convincing him of the virtues of rest. He was much too busy to be bothered with something as mundane as sleep. He was practicing his clapping and would not be detoured until he had practiced to perfection. He was determined to become the Mozart of clapping in a single night and every attempt to lull him to sleep was met quite calmly with his passive resistance of continued clapping. He was in a zone. It was almost like he was afraid if he went to sleep, this new and amazing skill would suddenly and mysteriously disappear. But it didn’t. He woke up this morning clapping.

The day-to-day variances were something else I wasn’t entirely prepared for. Tonight when we put Evan to bed, it was completely different. Brad rocked him to sleep with little to no clapping but when he tried to put him down, Evan freaked out and wouldn’t stop crying. Between the crying and the clapping, I’ll take clapping any day. After suffering through his wails crawling up and down my spine for a full half hour, I finally convinced Brad to let me try. (Thirty minutes may not sound like a long time, but try listening to a boat horn held directly to your ear for thirty minutes.) Brad was rocking him and trying his best to soothe him but sometimes it just takes mom. I finally had to intervene not just for Evan’s sake, but for my own. It didn’t help that Evan has started repeating various syllables, randomly working his way through the alphabet, and right now he’s on “ma”. So not only was I hearing him cry, I was hearing him cry for me. Now logically, I know that’s not true. The word may mean something to me, but to him, it’s just a new and fascinating version of verbal clapping. But what I’m quickly learning is that in motherhood, emotion trumps logic every time.

By the time Brad finally conceded, I was worked up into just about as much of a frenzied fit as Evan. I took Evan into our room – yes, he’s still sleeping in our bed. It’s only been 7 months. Don’t judge – and laid down with him and started patting him the way I usually do. He immediately quieted and then reached up with his soft little hand and started patting my cheek in time to me patting him. It was like he was soothing me. I have never in my life experienced anything so unadulterated and pure; so completely void of ulterior motives that it could only be perfection. I melted… it was like I defrosted without ever knowing I was frozen.