That's Nice Uncle Frank

Every family has one. Crazy Aunt Sophie who wants to be buried with her cat, Cousin Gladys who hasn’t left her house or taken out her garbage in 7 years, Uncle Yoseph who stuffs his mattress with money but smokes in bed… The family eccentric. For the Newhalls, it’s all of them. For the Lincoln Family, it’s Uncle Frank.

Uncle Frank’s response to anything he doesn’t like?
“That’s nice…”

The explanation:

Two southern women are out to lunch together.

Woman #1: My husband bought me a diamond ring, and my does it sparkle.
Woman #2: That’s nice.
Woman #1: My husband sent me the nicest spa, I got a massage and a facial and they pampered me till the cows came home…
Woman #2: That’s nice.
Woman #1: My husband is the best husband ever. He doesn’t let me do a stitch of house work…
Woman #2: That’s nice.
Woman #1: Well Sugar, what’s your husband do for you?
Woman #2: My husband sent me to charm school.
Woman #1: Why Honey, charm school? What could you possibly learn there?
Woman #2: They taught me that a proper southern woman doesn’t say “fuck you,” she says “that’s nice…”

Our first day in Phoenix we were relaxing out on the patio, I had Evan in my lap, and before I knew it Evan was chewing on a Cheeto. Vacation generally voids all rules, but I didn’t want to get too wild and crazy our first day, so I told Uncle Frank no more MSG for Evan. The next day while I was out shopping with Melinda, I called to check in and was told Uncle Frank had introduced Evan to the wonderful world of Diet Coke. I had Brad relay to Uncle Frank that when I got back, he was dead.

In the background I heard Uncle Frank’s defense:
“But there’s no MSG in Diet Coke!”
(He’s right. I checked)

When Brad told Frank he only had a couple hours left to live, Uncle Frank’s response was:
“I’d rather be pissed off than pissed on…”

Now I could probably argue the grammar and semantics of the statement, but one thing I know for sure; no matter where you come from, that’s no apology.

My only possible response to Uncle Frank?

“That’s nice…”

Needless to say, Uncle Frank was one of Evan’s favorite Phoenix attractions. Evan finally found someone whose maturity level matched his own, and boy did they bond. Every time Uncle Frank walked into the room, Evan’s face lit up. His best friend had arrived. Evan had Uncle Frank and Mary wrapped around his finger just like everyone else. He had the two of them helping him practice walking around the house, back and forth, up and down and every which way. Evan’s quick transition to walking after coming home from Phoenix was most definitely due, in part, to the two of them. All joking aside though, Uncle Frank may be a trouble maker, but he is the kindest, gentlest, sweetest man there has ever been.

So, in honor of Uncle Frank preferring to be pissed off than pissed on, we have renamed the Poop-Xplosions. From here on out they will be referred to as “Pulling an Uncle Frank,” or simply an “Uncle Frank.” Because when the shit hits the fan, it seems like Uncle Frank’s always the one who’s flinging it – and has control of the fan.